i guess i'm on a run of attacking commonly used words. slut is one i've been meaning to write on for a while. i don't have anything exciting to say that hasn't been said before - it's a double-standard, sexist word, socially constructed idea, yadda yadda yadda. despite it's disgusting meaning to some, it's disgusting to ME to hear it used the way it oftenly is. WHY is there a negative stigma attached to someone enjoying themselves? that's really what it comes down to.

admittedly that negative stigma can be very intense. i think it takes a bit of logic, to realize someone else is dictating what you should enjoy, and a lot of self-confidence, to stand up to the pressure of conformity, to be free of negative stigma.

i wasn't supposed to like rap. i wasn't supposed to like rock. i wasn't supposed to like idm. i'm still not even supposed to like girly shit or pop. growing up and being very impressionable, i often succumbed to these pressures. as someone who was very into alternative rock, i was ashamed for even thinking rap was listenable. even now, i love listening to mainstream hiphop, but i get disapproval from friends who are supposedly above that. and on the other side of the coin, as an asian who's supposed to like techno and rap, i felt inadequately asian for listening to rock. and as a 'normal person', why the fuck would i want to listen to weird atonal shit with no vocals? as a guy, there are times even now when i feel less 'manly' for listening to ultra-effeminate music. that is one strong ass stigma to fight.

in the end though, one of the greatest epiphanies in my life was when i stopped letting what i was supposed to like affect what i genuinely liked. i'll form my own criteria for what's good. others think who you are should guide what you like. i think what i like guides who i am.